Actually, I’m not going to tell you how to talk to women. Truth is, there are no how-tos when it comes to talking to women.
And yet people continue to churn out articles on the subject. I saw one just the other day.
“The Secret Advice on How to Flirt and Attract Women,” the headline read.
Naturally, the writer was trying to sell something. In this case, a book called How to Talk to Women: Make Small Talk Sexy.
Books about how to talk to women remind me of books about getting rich: Authors keep writing them because people buy them. Simple as that.
Yet how many get-rich-quick or talk-to-females books actually work? Probably close to zero.
Unfortunately, there’s no formula for how to talk to women or succeeding with women in general. But after two divorces and about 30 years of dating I’ve learned there are a few ways not to succeed.
How not to talk to women
- Try to impress females. It doesn’t work. Be yourself – that’s your best shot to succeed.
- Think about what you’re going to say. If you try to memorize a script or talking points, the conversation becomes canned and stale. Go with the flow. Talk about whatever strikes you in the moment.
- Fake confidence. Either you’re self-confident or you’re not. You can’t “learn” to be self-confident any more than you can “learn” to talk to women.
- Invest too much in the relationship early on. If you’re convinced you and a woman will be together, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’ll start responding to her based on the future instead of the present. And a meaningful relationship will never develop.
The “magic” books
Have I ever read a book on how to succeed with women? Sure. That’s why I know most of them are crap.
If you’re a desperate dater looking for clues to succeed, you’ll never find them.
It may seem counterintuitive, but I think you succeed with women by not caring if you succeed. That is, if you need a woman, you probably won’t find one. Your neediness will drive them away. On the other hand, if you’d like to find a woman – but can live without one – you have a much better chance of meeting a match.
Since my second divorce three years ago, I’ve decided not to chase a relationship. After all, what good has it done me in the past?
If I’ve learned anything from my marriage failures, it’s that you can’t make yourself into someone you’re not. And you can’t look to a dating relationship or marriage to feel complete.
I’m single with no prospects at the moment. Yet I date steadily. I’m enjoying the companionship of different women. If someone turns out to be “the one,” great. I think I could handle a relationship (at least better than I have in the past).
But if I never find that special woman, I’ll be fine too. I’m not seeking any more advice on women.
If you feel differently, that’s fine. Do a Google search on “how to talk to women,” and you’ll see page after page of results. Look on Amazon, and you’ll find book titles such as:
- How to Succeed with Women
- How to Keep a Conversation Going: 9 Tools to Never Run Out of Things to Say
- How to Talk to Hot Women: The Secrets of Making Conversation Sexy
- How to Talk to Women: Your Ultimate Guide
- Guide to Talking to Women
- How to Get a Girlfriend: Tips on How to Talk to Women
Think these books – or countless others – will help you find a soul mate? If so, you might want to pick up some get-rich books too.
There are no secrets to talking to women. The sooner you realize that, the more relaxed you’ll be and the greater your chance of success with women.