What’s the No. 1 attribute I’m looking for in a woman?
Someone who doesn’t require drama in a relationship.
Seriously, I’m convinced that some women (and some men) absolutely need to argue and turn little problems into big ones.
If you’re one of those women, stay away from me. I’d rather live in solitary confinement in a jail cell than be stuck with a woman who wanted to pitch a fit over wall color, furniture, dinner plans, vacation destinations, or child-rearing methods.
All of those subjects are fair game for discussion – but not for drama.
I dated a woman once who had extreme opinions about food. She loved to go out to eat but rarely liked my restaurant suggestions. I didn’t want to get in a fight over dining, so I’d usually go with her choice.
But once we got to the restaurant, she found more to quibble about: the table, noise, service, other diners, and the food itself. Enough!
We didn’t date for long. I saw that the nitpicking over food was just a symptom of the woman’s need for drama in a relationship.
Why did she have that need? I have no idea. I didn’t stay around long enough to find out.
I ran across a website lately that caught my eye: DatingWithoutDrama.com. It’s hosted by a woman named Paige Parker, a New York dating coach who contributes to Huffington Post. The site is geared toward women, and its tagline is “Understand him better, love yourself more.”
But the sound advice Paige offers also applies to men. For instance, she has an article titled “The Danger of Over-Analyzing Your Man.” In it, she writes:
“You know you do it.
All women do. Probably more often than we’d care to admit.
It’s emotionally draining and somehow exhilarating at the same time. It can be as light a gossip session with our girlfriends, or as dark as a shame-spiral of obsession when we’re home alone on a Saturday night with a cheap bottle of wine.
I’m talking about analyzing men.
We dissect their words and actions, make assumptions about their meaning and motives, even create hypothetical scenarios as an attempt to make sense of a confusing situation or to comfort ourselves.”
Do Without Drama
Preach it, sister!
Chill, ladies and men – those of you who obsess over a word or a glance. Pretty soon, your mental machinations turn into anger or resentment. Those feelings necessitate a talk with your significant other. The talk turns dramatic – with accusations and hurtful words.
You’ve entered the Drama Zone. I also call it hell. Once you establish a pattern of going there, the relationship is sunk.
Paige has written a book also called Dating Without Drama. I’m not recommending it because I haven’t read it. But her description of the book on her website sounds appealing.
“The key to a successful love life isn’t being lucky enough to find the ‘perfect’ man. The answer is to having the fulfilling relationship you’ve always wanted is actually within you … When you date without drama, you’re allowed to feel – and honor – all of your emotions just as you normally would. You’ll just learn not to let yourself or your actions be controlled by them.”
Other dating experts and therapists express similar ideas. I’m highlighting the Dating Without Drama website, frankly, because the catchy title underscores my point: Continual drama over insignificant issues wrecks a relationship.
Think about what you want in a woman. Do you really want a woman who gets twisted out over mundane matters? Or are you the one who overreacts. Drama doesn’t bring two people together. It creates a dysfunctional relationship that will make both parties miserable.