I’d never heard that term until recently. But I like it.
I’m starting to think that after two divorces, I’m a permanent bachelor. What about you?
Can’t say I’ve read either one.
In her article, she calls actor George Clooney perhaps the most famous permanent bachelor. Although he had a brief marriage that ended in 1993, he has dated a chorus line of hot actresses – including Julia Roberts, Kelly Preston, Teri Hatcher and Lucy Liu – since then.
“Snaring a committed bachelor is a game many women enjoy playing,” Marx writes.
Let’s not kid ourselves, guys. We’re not George Clooney. We don’t have women dating us for the challenge of getting us to the altar and showing off a trophy.
“I’ll never marry”
Still, I think Marx’s description of a permanent bachelor would fit many of us too.
“He’ll repeat, over and over if necessary, ‘I’m not getting married again,’” she writes.
Sound familiar? I know I’ve said that.
In fact, I said almost as much on a first date recently. Over dinner, the woman and I were talking about whether we’d ever marry again. Like me, she’d also been divorced twice.
“Sure, I’d like to get married again,” she said flatly.
I nearly dropped my fork. I was expecting her to dance around the subject a little, saying she’s perhaps open to the idea of remarriage.
But no. She made her desire to marry again crystal clear.
After she spoke, it was my turn to address the question.
“Well,” I told her, “I really doubt I’ll get married again. I don’t want to rule it out, but I’d be surprised if I do.”
A few moments of awkward silence ensued. We clearly had different agendas for dating. She was dating in hopes of finding a husband. I was dating simply to meet interesting women and have a good time.
I hadn’t read the “permanent bachelor” article at that time. Now, I see the author may be describing guys like me.
“Real bachelors seldom date any woman for more than a few months,” Marx writes.
Bingo. Since my second divorce about three years ago, I haven’t dated anyone for more than three months. Now, sometimes I initiated the breakup, sometimes the woman did. Either way, I haven’t sustained relationship.
How to date a permanent bachelor
Marx offers advice to women who are dating a permanent bachelor.
“The trick is to stay in the moment and be spontaneous,” she writes. “Don’t project into the future.”
I agree wholeheartedly. My best dates have been ones in which the woman didn’t give off “I-want-to-get-married” vibes. Know what I mean?
When I sense a woman is set on marrying, I start backpedaling. I begin to feel like a job candidate going through an interview. I feel she’s sizing me up to see if I meet her criteria, instead of getting to know me.
Marx writes that even the most committed bachelors sometimes change course and get married. I’m not ruling out that possibility.
But a woman can’t pressure a permanent bachelor into marriage. It’s futile. If a woman is dating one, she should put marriage out of her head.
She should lighten up, look for ways to have fun on dates, and simply find out more about the guy – without scheming.
I think any man is marriage material – if he meets the right woman. But she won’t be right if she tries to steer the relationship toward marriage from the start.
If a woman is intent on marrying, fine. That’s her prerogative. She can find plenty of men who share her desire. But she shouldn’t date a committed bachelor as a project, hoping to get him to the altar. Her efforts will fail.