I’m not sure I would. I did, however, marry a smoker.
My first wife battled smoking the entire nine years we were married. Fortunately, she was able to quit during the time she was pregnant with our son, Connor.
But after he was born, she went right back to smoking heavily. If one partner smokes and the other doesn’t – in a dating relationship or a marriage — you’re headed for tension.
It’s unavoidable. The smoker is going to feel bad that he or she can’t quit, yet they’ll resent pressure by the other partner to give it up.
I’ve been there.
It’s too bad that smoking can be a deal-breaker in the early stages of a relationship, but it can be. And it probably should be.
Smoking costs a lot of money, makes clothes and surroundings stink, and endangers one or both partner’s health.
Smoking is a big deal in a relationship. Don’t kid yourself.
I know some people who smoke socially – and that’s all. I think this especially applies to women. I’ve dated several who, to my dismay, would light up over a meal or drinks.
If a woman truly is only a social smoker, you’re probably OK proceeding in the relationship. But here’s the problem: A social smoker can turn into a chain smoker given the right pressures and circumstances.
I’ve seen it. My wife would smoke only occasionally at times, and I’d feel good that she had the habit under control. Then the smoking would flare up again – and I often didn’t know why.
Sure, love can conquer all. If a couple’s love is strong enough, it can overcome bigger problems than one partner’s smoking. But if you add smoking to a list of other irritants, the relationship could be doomed.
These are my thoughts. I wanted to see what other people thought, so I did an Internet search.
“They smell bad,” he wrote of women smokers. “The smoke is on their breath, in their hair, on their clothes, in their apartments. It kind of indicates an addictive personality … They are going to age faster and die sooner. I wouldn’t date a smoker. Not a chance. I don’t care what she looks like.”
Another guy offers a different take.
“Smoking for me is kind of a turn-off,” he wrote. “However, I’ve heard some say that women who smoke are naturally less inhibited and are great in bed.”
Is he being serious? I don’t know.
I did find a dating website for smokers. These days, there are dating sites for any subsection of the population.
“Tired of browsing dating profiles, only to find that your perfect match is a nonsmoker?” says the site, Smoker Datelink. “Hook up now with like-minded smokers. And meet people in your area tonight!”
If you don’t smoke, you may have to make a decision some day: to date or smoker or not.
Only you can decide, but give it some thought now.
You may hate smoking. But you may be attracted to a smoker. Devise a game plan early because is likely to present problems.