Frankly, this is hard to believe: The insanely publicized, 72-day mini-marriage between Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries is a lifetime compared to some Hollywood couples.
Consider these mismatched celebrity lovers and the lengths of their marriages:
- 54 hours: Pop star Britney Spears and high school friend Jason Alexander in 2004. They married in a late-night, Las Vegas ceremony.
- 8 days: Singer Michelle Phillips and actor Dennis Hopper in 1970. Hopper allegedly handcuffed Phillips during the marriage so she couldn’t flee! But he claims she handcuffed him.
- 9 days: Singers Cher and Gregg Allman in 1975. “He was so high, he didn’t even understand me,” Cher once said of their honeymoon.
- 10 days: Actress Carmen Electra and basketball star Dennis Rodman in 1998. They married in Las Vegas (I see a trend here) and later had the marriage annulled. She complained that Rodman was drunk too much.
- 2 weeks: Actor Eddie Murphy and film producer Tracy Edmonds in 2008. “We have decided to remain friends,” they said in announcing the divorce.
- 4 months: Actress Renee Zellweger and country star Kenny Chesney in 2005. Their annulment followed a lavish wedding spread in People magazine. “I didn’t have any clue as to what true marriage meant,” Chesney later said. “It was a scary moment for me.”
- 9 months: Pop star/actress Jennifer Lopez and her backup dancer Cris Judd in 2002. By comparison to the other celebrities, their marriage lasted almost an eternity. “They two will remain friends,” their attorneys said in a joint statement. Right.
A Yahoo story chronicled these Hollywood marriage disasters. I left out the shortest one mentioned because it happened so long ago that many won’t know the names.
In 1919, silent-film star Rudolph Valentino married actress Jean Acker – and the union lasted six hours. We have a winner! Acker allegedly locked Valentino out of their honeymoon suite. He went home and called off the marriage. Now that’s ending it in style!
Whenever I start feeling like a loser because of my two failed marriages, I’m comforted by the antics of Hollywood couples. Hell, my shortest marriage lasted two and a half years. That’s longer than all the marriages above combined.
Hooray for me!
Celebrities shouldn’t be allowed to marry. Or they should call their unions something other than a marriage. That’s because they’re often entered into and exited from so casually. The concept of married couples working through problems seems lost in Tinseltown. It’s much easier to call a divorce attorney.