How many sex partners is too many? (For a woman you’re dating)

sex-partners-in-bed

Now this is a tough question.

You want a woman who is sexually experienced – to a point. I’d say having 50 sexual partners is too much experience. At least for me.

On the other extreme, a woman with only or two sexual partners could be trouble too. Maybe she’s got sexual hang-ups. Maybe she’s recently divorced, and the only man she ever had sex with was her ex-husband.

Do you want to walk into that situation and be No. 2? I don’t.

There’s a new romantic comedy called What’s Your Number? starring Anna Faris, who is very hot and very funny. She plays a single woman who is told by her girlfriends that’ll she never find a husband because she’s had more than 20 sex partners.

anna-faris-whats-your-number-of-sex-partners“I am not going to sleep with one more guy until I’m sure he’s the one,” Faris says in the movie.

What’s Your Number? is a comedy, but it raises a serious question.

Granted, there’s a longstanding sexual double standard for men and women. For a man, having dozens and dozens of sex partners means he’s cool (at least to some people). But for a woman, having the same number means she’s a whore (again, at least to some).

Is this double standard fair? Of course not. But I’m not trying to address that – I’m simply asking: What’s the maximum number of sex partners you could accept for a woman you’re serious about?

For me, I’d say less than 10. Actually, closer to five.

Why? I’m not sure. Those numbers are totally arbitrary, I’ll admit, but they reflect my comfort zone with a woman’s sexual history.

OK, let’s say you’re looking for a woman who’s had sex with between five and 10 men. How do you verify that?

You certainly can’t ask the question point-blank – at least early in the relationship. Maybe the woman will volunteer the answer at some point. But how do you know she’s telling the truth? You don’t.

More fundamentally, is it any of your business how many guys a girl has slept with?

“It doesn’t say anything about who a woman is as a person any more than looking at her bank account balance does,” writes Janelle Harris in an article on TheStir.com. “Some guys don’t even want to know at all. Why muss up a potentially good thing with the knowledge that your girl has sexed up the equivalent of a small college town population?”

Good question.

We should probably throw out the number-of-sexual-partners question.

In What’s Your Number? Anna Faris makes a profound statement: “Sometimes you can’t live life by the numbers. You have to figure it out as you go along.”

I agree. We may wonder how many guys a woman has slept with, but the answer doesn’t do us any good.

THE TAKEAWAY

Resist the temptation to obsess over the number of sexual partners a woman has had. Do you want her to know your number? Do you want her to reject you if it’s too high or too low? Of course not. See a woman for who she is now. The past is the past.

Picture courtesy of Rotten Tomatoes.

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About Ed Housewright

Ed Housewright is the chief cook and bottle washer at Single Dad House. After three decades as a newspaper reporter, he’s trying to adapt to the social media world. He’s matrimonially challenged with two divorces under his belt and is trying to do a better job at raising his 12-year-old son, Connor. Follow Ed on Twitter: @singledadhouse.

Comments

  1. Daniel Rutledge says:

    Ed, everyone knows how to determine the SQ for a woman (Shag Quotient).. Simply take the self-reported number of partners she gives you, and double it. The truth is out there!

  2. I have had enough to say that I know what I am doing so if u judge me judge yourself I have lived a happy and fun adventrious life so I am more then ready to settle it down which I have for the past 7 yrs with one man so whatever count that

  3. i agree. double the number they give you. maybe triple. just saying the truth. word.

  4. mohammad says:

    good inead sex

  5. Ummm…who cares about howmany former lovers a current lover has had? Quote :if you feel the need to judge me by my past. Don't be surprised if I feel the need to put you in it

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  8. Happy Woman! says:

    I never thought about the “number” until recently
    when I was asked by a man & added it up as best I can
    remember & was surprised it was approximately 75.
    One must know that I’m 66 & have been single for over
    30 years. I have never been ashamed, rather felt privileged
    to have had so much pleasure that most women haven’t
    experienced. I have wonderful memories & have known
    some great men well. Only a small number have been ONS.
    I’m still active & very happy. With the number, some may ask
    if I’ve sold it & the answer is absolutely not!

  9. I enjoyed reading this article. I totally sympathize and agree with mostly everything written here, both the considerations and the final conclusion. I was my deceased wife only boyfriend and sexual partner. She went with another guy to her prom night party, because she had not met me yet. That was it. I always thought that was rare. It was at that time and it is more now. I felt very lucky about having this unique circumstance in my life and thought that I could never take a woman who had slept with several guys seriously, ever! A few months after my wife died, I run into a friend I had met twenty years back. She had married and divorced twice and I knew five or six more guys she had gone out with. We had lunch together one Saturday and we spent the next seven years together. I grew to really love her and respect her. We broke up two years ago because we just did'nt get along anymore and argued a lot. She does have quite a temper. It was very painful to me, and I guess it still is. She has a new companion and so do I, life goes on. But even if I thought about the number of sex partners I knew she had at first, I forgot about all that after I fell in love with her. At the end, it is the actual person who really counts and not her past.

  10. Since Tony personally felt happy by working busily as a bee to produce honey, which in Tony’s case was money, he and his family decided to work on the busy bee concept. By the way, while it’s unethical to sell someone else’s published work for more than what you paid, you can sell it for less than that and you can certainly barter it. Some other uses for flash cards besides using them for definitions and terms, you may want to use them to remember math equations, remember important images, remember graphs, or even play a flash card math game.

  11. It is not a double standard. Men and women have different standards. Life is not 'fair', but to continually marginalize the standards of men in favor of some kind of 'equality' is doing no favors for men or women. The fact that women value a man's past choices that led to his career, wealth, social status, provisioning ability to a much much greater degree than men value a woman's same choices could just as easily be summed up as a double-standard. But that does nothing to eliminate the truth that women value a mans status and earning power more than men value a woman's. Men select for characteristics that indicate femininity, nurturing, commitment, loyalty, and future orientation. Her past sexual choices can be a big part of building comfort and thus trust from a man. It is the same process that a women goes through when selecting for the masculine traits as a father, provider, and protector.

    Women are more than free to evaluate a man's past sexual choices in any way they see fit. Because most women CHOOSE not to, does not a double-standard make. And culturally we are to the point where the political correctness police have deemed 'judgement' to be wrong when in fact we judge, discriminate, and evaluate people all of the time in all kinds of ways. But god forbid it is a man employing his judgement in selecting a woman with whom he may entrust his heart, livelihood, and children. When it comes to seeking a husband/wife, it is dangerous and disingenuous to believe that we are not doing those things along the way. So now we have a culture that will shame a man for seeking out the qualities of a woman he desires, but will scream to the heavens about how it is bad to judge or shame a woman for her decisions. That is a double-standard that should be the topic of discussion.

    As a man, I have known for as long as I can remember that my choices in life will largely determine my fate. And part of my fate is how attractive and valuable I am perceived by women. My future-orientation in this regard has led me to make decisions according to how others may view me down the line. It is a big part of what drives men to seek out skills, education, careers, and sacrifice much of the distracting self-indulgences and hedonism along the way. We are allowing women to be free of this 'judgement' in favor of dream-chasing and 'exploration', sexual and otherwise; to be free from the responsibility of their future and then relieved of any negative repercussions of their decisions – impulsive or otherwise, by means of shaming and marginalizing the few men who dare to assert their own preferences in a woman which may result in holding them accountable for their past decisions in ways that are made to seem 'unfair'.

    This is not limited to sexual decisions. This pervasive anti-male viewpoint is continuing to cause otherwise good men to delay or outright avoid commitment – and marriage. There is a growing population of young women who are finding that those men are not showing up to commit/marry when they want them to. And guess what, the prevailing 'culture' would like you to believe that this is the fault of men for not 'manning up'. The fact that there is no discussion about women's role in this is just further testament that women are enabled to have both agency and victim status, both preemptively and ex post facto relieving them of any responsibility for their decisions in life.

    None of this will change as long as men are the only targets of social shaming and judgement. If you want to have casual, meaningless sex, you have every right, but every man also has the right to judge, evaluate, and question your past decisions how he sees fit. It is not about fairness, it is about truth. And the truth is that for a great many men, a woman's sexual past matters to him just as a man's future earning potential matters to most women. Ignore these truths at your own peril.

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  15. " For a man, having dozens and dozens of sex partners means he’s cool (at least to some people). But for a woman, having the same number means she’s a whore (again, at least to some).

    Is this double standard fair? Of course not."

    ..of course YES! and i'll tell you my opinion. Women is the sex gatekeeper the one who also should keep the legs closed to the wrong guys since she is the human being who must uphold the main virtues all men looking for in a woman to check if she is marriage material or not (honest, not a whore, who give all herself to one man and so on) so when men defeat a woman having casual sex with her, he win and she loose showing that she aren't a good woman to marry (because she is too easy to give up all virtues so how she may give them to a man?)

    another point is that usually men inflate the number of their sexual partners to show how much they are cool to friends, on the other hand women do the contrary, they won't gave you the real info.

    How many sex partners is too many?

    well this depends on societies, religions and cultures

    Suffice to say that today women have sex early and they aren't ready to commit before they are already in the workforce (usually around 25/30) now.. you may immagine how many cocks they try before your? a lot! an average gal have sex about three times more than a boy, that's why femminism told them that they have to act like men and have casual sex due this means they are OK!

    no, they aren't.. they simply waste their lifes, their future, and usually they are so stupid to date, have sex and even marry with the wrong guys, or usually they seek a good man to divorce and then goes back to have sex with the bad ones.

    the right sex partners number for women should be (more or less) the same number of their previous serious commitments, other than this they are simply nazifemminist expensive, brainwashed hookers you must avoid to keep yourself healthy and move forward.

    one more thing.. DO NOT marry/engage divorce women, expecially with kids!! grow other men kid's is not your business!

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